ANGEL: You’re dead.

ME: …

ANGEL: Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but yeah. As a door nail.

ME: So…

ANGEL: You have two choices. You can move into a higher plane of existence where all is energy and light, all paradoxes are collapsed, and all mysteries are resolved. Your true human potential—nay, the cosmic destiny of all humankind—will finally be within reach. Even the face of God Itself…

ME: What’s the other choice?

ANGEL: What? Oh. Well, you can choose another human life. You know, if you feel you have more work left to do in the physical realm. But think carefully on this. You’re at the threshold where all heavenly mysteries will finally be…

ME: Another life.

ANGEL: Is this thing on? I don’t think you understand what’s at stake, my child.

ME: Yeah, no. I get you. One hundred percent. I choose another life.

ANGEL: Really. Wow, that’s… super surprising. Most souls, when they reach a certain stage of spiritual maturity…

ME: Do I get to pick the body?

ANGEL: The what?

ME: You know, the body. Do I get to pick it?

ANGEL: “Pick” it?

ME: Right. Man/woman, hot/ugly, crippled/healthy. That sort of thing.

ANGEL: …

ME: Because I have something really specific in mind. Plus I want to be rich. And sort of famous. Not Bono famous. More like J. K. Simmons famous. Plus diamonds. I’m going to need a shit ton of diamonds.

ANGEL: This isn’t The Matrix. I can’t just insert you like an avatar into some computer simulation. Enormous resources would be marshaled to even consider diverting your soul back into the human nexus. Why the evolutionary consequences alone…

ME: Do I get to pick the era?

ANGEL: OK. Can you hang on a second?

ME: Sure.

ANGEL: …

ME: …

ANGEL: …

ME: …

ANGEL: All right, I checked with my supervisor. I guess we can insert you into whichever era you like, with whichever body you choose, within your specified parameters…

ME: Noyce.

ANGEL: …if you believe it’s required to evolve into your next phase of existence. But I must ask again: Are you absolutely sure? Cosmic mysteries? Heavenly realities? Higher dimensions? Last chance.

ME: I’m good.

ANGEL: Very well. It sounds like you have very specific plans for your next life. I hope it serves you well, and I expect that our next meeting will be…

ME: Can we just, you know. Blah-blah-blah. Move things along?

ANGEL: Sure, you bet. (Jesus Christ.) Which body did you have in mind?

ME: